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paroles > blink
182 > the mark,
tom, and travis show (the enema
strikes back!)
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Dumpweed
It's understood, I said it
many ways
To scared to run
I'm to scared to stay
I said I'd leave, but I could
never leave her
And if I did, you know I'd never
cheat her
But this I ask, it's what I want
to know
How would you feel, if I should
choose to go
Another guy, you think it'd be
unlikely
Another guy, you think he'd want
to fight me
She's a dove, She's a fucken
nightmare
Unpredictable, it was my mistake
to stay here
On the go and it's way too late
to play
I need a girl that I can
train
I heard it once, I'm sure I heard
it twice
My dad used to give me all of his
advice
He would say you got to turn your
back and run now
Come on son, you haven't got a
chance now
She's a dove, She's a fucken
nightmare
Unpredictable, it was my mistake
to stay here
On the go and it's way too late
to play
I need a girl that I can
train
Turn your back and run now
You haven't got a chance now
Wow I'm fucking in the mood to
party
Hey all right!
Hey well fucking all right
Hey you know what we're going to
do tonight
A whole lot of fucking, we're
going to get laid.
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Don't Leave
Me
This song's about herpes
It's called Don't Leave Me and it
goes like this,
Don't leave me all alone
Just drop me off at home
I'll be fine, it's not the
first
Just like last night, but a
little worse
She said that I'm not the one
that she thinks about and
She said it stopped being fun, I
just bring her down
I said, "don't let your future be
destroyed by my past."
She said, "don't let my door hit
you in your ass." Fuck yea!
Just give me one more chance,
I'll try this time
I'll give you yours, I won't take
mine
I'll listen up, pretend to
care
Go on ahead, I'll meet you there
and
She said that I'm not the one
that she thinks about and
She said it stopped being fun, I
just bring her down
I said, "don't let your future be
destroyed by my past."
She said, "don't let my door hit
you in your ass." Bass Solo!
Let's try this one more time with
feeling
You will be fine you fucking ass
hole, aghhhh!
(Belch) exuse me.
Thank You
Hey Mark, we have a very special
person here that wants to say
hi
Guys this is Satan.
Hello kids if you guys will take
off your pants
then maybe I'll be a little more
happy
I want to have fun with you but I
will have to see your dicks,
plural
I have to go away now because
there is another song and I've
got a boner
You guys mind if I get a boner
kids.
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Aliens
Exist
Hey mom there's something in
the backroom
I hope it's not the creature from
above
You used to read me stories
As if my dreams were boring
We all know conspiracies are
dumb
What if people knew that these
were real
I'd leave my closet door open all
night
I know the CIA would say
What you hear is all hearsay
I wish someone would tell me what
was right
Up all night long
And there's something very
wrong
And I know it must be late
Been gone since yesterday
I'm not like you guys
I'm not like you
I am still the skeptic yes you
know me
Been best friends and will be
till we die
I got an injection
Of love from the erection
My best friend thinks I'm just
humping guys, Alright
Up all night long
And there's something very
wrong
And I know it must be late
Been gone since yesterday
I'm not like you guys
I'm not like you
Dark and scary, ordinary,
explanation
Information, nice to know ya,
parnoia
Where's my mother, biofather
Up all night long
And there's something very
wrong
And I know it must be late
Been gone since yesterday
I'm not like you guys
Twelve majestic lies
Tom has sex with guys
Hey Mark, who here thinks that I
look similar to Tom Cruise
Thank you I think so too
Yea like Tom Cruise in that movie
born on the 4th of July, that
one
Where he's handicapped and
retarded and stupid and nobody
likes him
And he just shit's all over
himself and he's a fucking ass
hole
Hey that was mean
That's right
Never attack somebody that Shits
on himself
Do you guys think it's wierd to
shit your pants when you're
sleeping
Not that I do it, but I did do it
last night
And I haven't taken a shower
since
And I'm wondering if that's what
smells
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Family
Reunion
Hey I wrote this next song
want to here it
You don't have a choice
It goes like this
shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker
motherfucker tit fart turd and
twat
shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker
motherfucker tit fart turd and
twat
shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker
motherfucker tit fart turd and
twat
shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker
motherfucker tit fart turd and
twat
I fucked your mom
Thank you, thank you so very very
much
Hey this next song is about
falling in love
What's it about
I don't know.
This songs about love let's give
it up for love
I'll tell you what I love
You know what the best part of
falling in love is
Sex?
It's the oral sex that's right
pleasure
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Going
Away To College
Please take me by the hand
It's so cold out tonight
I'll put blankets on the bed
But I won't turn out the
light
Just don't forget to think about
me
And I won't forget you
I'll write you once a week she
said once a week she said
Why does it feel the same
To fall in love or break it
off
And if young love is just a
game
Then I must have missed the kick
off
Don't depend on me to ever follow
through on anything
But I'd go through hell for you
and
I haven't been this scared in a
long time
And I'm so unprepared so here's
your valentine
Bouquet of clumsy words, a simple
melody
This world's and ugly place, but
you're so beautiful to me
I'll think about the times
She kissed me after class
And she put up with my
friends
I acted like an ass
I'd ditch my lecture to watch the
girls play soccer
Is my picture still hanging in
her locker?
I haven't been this scared in a
long time
And I'm so unprepared so here's
your valentine
Bouquet of clumsy words, a simple
melody
This world's and ugly place, but
you're so beautiful to Travis
This can't be peanut butter
Give it up for Tom
This song's really hard to
play
It's really hard to play
I would appreciate it if you
don't listen to me for the next
two and a half minutes
Shut the fuck up
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What's My
Age Again?
I took her out it was Friday
night
I wore cologne to get the feeling
right
We started making out and she
took off my pants
But then I turned on the TV
And that's about the time that
she walked away from me
Nobody likes you when you're
23
And are still more amused by TV
shows
What the fuck is ADD?
My friends say I should act my
age
What's my age again?
What's my age again?
Then later on, on the drive
home
I called her mom from a pay
phone
I said I was the cops
And your husband's in jail
This state looks down on
sodomy
And that's about the time that
bitch hung up on me
Nobody likes you when your 23
And are still more amused by
prank phone calls
What the fuck is caller ID?
My friends say I should act my
age
What's my age again?
It's the soft pretty part!
And that's about the time she
walked away from me
Nobody likes you when your 23
And you still act like you're in
Freshman year
What the fuck is wrong with
me?
My friends say I should act my
age
What's my age again?
That's about the time she broke
up with me
No one should take themselves so
seriously
With many years ahead to fall in
line
Why would you wish that on
me?
I never want to act my age
What's my age again?
What's my age again?
There's my asian friend.
Fuck yea!
Hey Mark I'm starting to get
sweaty
And contrary to what most people
think
I think I look better wet
I have been campaining this for
about two years now
So throughout the show you will
see me get sexier and sexier
As it gets hotter and hotter you
know
And if you watch close enough
watch
Tom getting fatter and fatter as
the show goes on too
Why would I be getting
fatter?
Cause'
Boobies!
Oh geeze stop it no
But you are to young
You're way to young gosh!
Let me tell you why you're going
to get fatter and fatter
Because dog seamen is full of
calories
Yea don't eat dog seamen, we hear
it's the number one cause of bad
breath
Hey this song is about when I
had too much alcoholic
beverages
Got kicked out of high school
Wrote a song about it and it goes
like this
Here it goes like this
Here here it goes
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Dick
Lips
Please, mom
You ground me all the time
I know that I was right
All along
And I'm hoping
Remember I'm a kid
I know not what I did
Just having fun
You couldn't wait for something
new
And yesterday I thought of
you
Left me to think as if I couldn't
walk away
It's too late, I fell through
Nothing to lose
A boy who went out when he
finished all his chores
Nothing to do
They can't trust me because I
blew it once before
Shit, dad
Please don't kick my ass
I know I've seen you trashed
At least one time
Can I blame it
On one of my dumb friends
It's been awhile
Since I have used that line
You couldn't wait for something
new
And yesterday I thought of
you
Left me to think as if I couldn't
walk away
It's too late, I fell through
Nothing to lose
A boy who went out he finished
all his chores
Nothing to do
They can't trust me because I
blew it once before
Alright
Nothing to lose
A boy who went out when he
finished all his chores
Nothing to do
They can't trust me because I
blew it once before
Hey uh Mark
What what the fuck do you want
Tom I'm sick of...
Hey Mark hey hey Mark hey Mark
hey look at this
Hey hey look how I can make it
bigger if I rub it look at this
hey mark come her
No seriously Mark hey hey
Mark
I wasn't really masturbating I've
never done that
I was inspecting my testacles for
wierd bumps
That's what you say that's what
you say
If your parents ever catch
you
I wasn't masturbating I was just
cleaning it and it went off
You guys want to hear a song I
wrote about four days ago
Cause' you really don't have a
choice you might as well be into
it
Yea you might as well act like
you want to hear it cause'
otherwise we'll play it twice
Yea you bastards song goes like
this
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Blow
Job
It would be nice to have a
blow job
It would be nice to have a blow
job
It would be nice to have a blow
job
It would be nice to have a blow
job
It would be nice to have a blow
job
It would be nice to have a blow
job
It would be nice to have a blow
job
It would be nice to have a blow
job from your mom
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Untitled
I think of awhile ago
We might have had it all
I was so stupid then
You needed time to grow
But now just as things change
As well my feelings do
In time things rearrange
I am so sick of chasing you
But what do I get 'cause I just
seem to lose
You make me regret those times I
spent with you
And playing those games as I wait
for your call
And now I give up, so goodbye and
so long
It's not a change of pace
This time I'll get it right
It's not a change of taste
I was the one there last
night
You have your other friends
They were there when you
cried
Didn't mean to hurt you then
Best friends just won't leave
your side
But what do I get 'cause I just
seem to lose
You make me regret those times I
spent with you
And playing those games as I wait
for your call
And now I give up, so goodbye and
so long
It's not a change of pace
This time I'll get it right
It's not a change of taste
I was the one there last
night
When I needed you most
When I needed a friend
You let me down now
Like I let you down then
So sorry, it's over
Oh that songs done we're done
with that song now you guys can
rest
Satan has something to say
Are you guys having a good time
tonight
I'm having a hum-didilee-doo of a
good time tonight
I like poetry and flowers and
pictures of unicorns and a
thousand naked children for
grrrrr!
What are some of the things that
Satan loves
Satin loves unicorns, pictures
and poetry and long walks on the
beach
Hey pay attention you fu...
boobies!
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Voyeur
And when the day ends I'm sure
she feels sorrow
The lonely guy I am, I like to
watch her change
I've been here two days, I'll
sure be here tomorrow
I'd eat her out if she were on my
dinner plate
(And I wish)
I wish she'd be more kind now
I'm out of luck 'cause the shades
are pulled down
I've seen everything there is to
be shown
I followed her all the way
home
I can't be too cool in a tree
with my pants down
The air is cold and I've got
splinters in my feet
She caught me once, but I don't
think that she cares now
Unlike before, her view is
blocked by a leaf
(And I wish)
I wish she'd be more kind now
I'm out of luck 'cause the shades
are pulled down
I've seen everything there is to
be shown
I followed her all the way
home
I bet this last time's the one
time too many
The rush of waiting is burning in
my head
Right after supper her brother
shower's twice a week
He kicks my ass so much, that
fucking white inbred
I've made mistakes by looking in
the wrong window
Her dad is big and I've never
seen his face
I've been here two days, and I'll
sure be here tomorrow
My lady's so sweet, she likes to
entertain
(And I wish)
I wish she'd be more kind now
I'm out of luck 'cause the shades
are pulled down
I've seen everything there is to
be shown
I followed her all the way
home
I bet this last time's the one
time too many
The rush of waiting is burning in
my head
Right after supper her brother
shower's twice a week
He kicks my ass so much, that
filthy white inbred
Hang on hang on
Hey uh
The song is not quite over yet
but
The song is not done
We have to prepare for the bass
guitar solo
How you doing
I need oxygen to the stage
please
Oxygen and oral sex to the stage
please
And maybe some of those male
chromosomes to the stage
Here's where I do the big bass
solo people
Give it up for me
Shhh here it comes here it
comes
1, 2, 3, 4!
I want all you kids to know
that I'm going to think of every
single one tonight when I'm alone
inside my bunk
Starting with you!
Hey this song is for anyone that
knew us before Enema of the
State
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Pathetic
I know I'm pathetic, I knew
when she said it
A loser, a bum's what she called
me when I drove her home
There's no more waiting and sure
no more wasting
I've done all I can but she still
wants to be left alone
You got, you got, you got to help
me out
And I'll try not to argue
No one, no one, no one likes a
drop-out
Mistakes are hard to undo
Don't pull me down, this is where
I belong
I think I'm different, but I'm
the same and I'm wrong
Don't pull me down, this is where
I belong
I think I'm different, this is
where I belong, belong
I think it's disgusting,
believing and trusting
If I gave a fuck there would be
nothing for me to prove
Although it's amusing, it's
slightly confusing
I've done all I can but her ego
is still hard to move
You got, you got, you got to help
me out
And I'll try not to argue
No one, no one, no one likes a
drop-out
Mistakes are hard to undo
Don't pull me down, this is where
I belong
I think I'm different, but I'm
the same and I'm wrong
Don't pull me down, this is where
I belong
I think I'm different, this is
where I belong, belong
Don't pull me down, this is where
I belong
I think I'm different, this is
where I belong
Hey you guys having fun
We're professionals you might not
have noticed that
But we are professionals at what
we do
We just professionally suck
And professionally act like a
bunch of ass holes on stage
that's what we do
We're just as God made us
Hey you better wipe that shit
eating grin off your face
Cause' this next songs a sad
one
And uh more importanly than that
if you're eating shit and
grinning
Then today probably is not your
day anyway
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Adam's
Song
I never thought I'd die
alone
I laughed the loudest who'd have
known?
I trace the cord back to the
wall
No wonder it was never plugged in
at all
I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine I didn't
think enough
I'm too depressed to go on
But you'll be sorry when I'm
gone
I never conquered, rarely
came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get
outside
The world was wide, too late to
try
The tour was over we'd
survived
I couldn't wait till I got
home
To pass the time in my room
alone
I never thought I'd die alone
Another six months I'll be
unknown
Give all my things to all my
friends
You'll never step foot in my room
again
You'll close it off, board it
up
Remember the time that I spilled
the cup
Of apple juice in the hall
Please tell mom this is not her
fault
I never conquered, rarely
came
Tomorrow holds such better
days
Days when I can still feel
alive
When I can't wait to get
outside
The world is wide, the time goes
by
The tour is over, I've
survived
And I can't wait till I get
home
To pass the time in my room
alone
Thanks a lot
I want you all to say with fuck
with me 1, 2, 3,
Fuck with me why
Well not really you don't say the
with me part just the fuck
part
Ok let's try that one more
time
He just wants you to say fuck but
he wants you to say it with
him
Ok go ahead try again
So do I count to three and then
say it how do we do this
It goes 1, 2, 3, fuck
Ok 1, 2, 3,
Here we go song's called Peggy
Sue and it goes like this
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Peggy
Sue
I know what it's like to be
alone sitting in your room
Listening to all the doubts that
your parents have to say to
you
And as your head gets all
cluttered inside
Try to stay awake
Everything they say are lies
That's all the shit that you ever
have to take
So hold in all your
aggresions
Because your grinding your teeth
on down to
The bottom of your chin
It's not easy or so damn
pleasing
To not laugh at everything they
say that
They tell you what to be you're
not alone
I know what it's like to be
denied at everything you do
It's not the same reason why
that
Makes you change the things that
you once knew
As your head gets all cluttered
inside
Give more than you take
Everything they say are lies
That's all the shit that you ever
have to take
So hold in all your
aggresions
Because your grinding your teeth
on down to
The bottom of your chin
It's not easy or so damn
pleasing
To not laugh at everything they
say that
They tell you what to be you're
not alone
You say you want to take off your
shoes and
Walk barefoot down the street
Just to be the things that you
can be
Just live for one more week
(Go!)
You say you want to take off your
shoes just to
Walk barefoot down the street
Just to be the things that you
can be
Just live for one more week
So hold in all your
aggresions
Because your grinding your teeth
on down to
The bottom of your chin
It's not easy or so damn
pleasing
To not laugh at every word they
say that
They tell you what to be you're
not alone
I choose to blame my parents for
giving me a small bent weiner and
an ugly face
Hey do you guys... do you know
what I notice Mark
Yes I do
What do you... You know what I
noticed
Yes
I noticed that throughout the
many years of me playing with my
own weiner
It bent to the wrong side I think
I pulled it too far to the
something... the right
Do you guys care? There is
something seriously wrong with my
dick and I need your sympathy
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Wendy
Clear
Let's take the boat out on the
bay
forget your job for just one
day
I wish it didn't have to be so
bad
It might be inappropriate
because
Either way our band get dropped
oh yea
I wish it didn't have to be so
bad
But I'd play with fire to break
the ice
And I'd play with nuclear
device
Is it something I'll regret?
Why do I want what I can't
get?
I wish it didn't have to be so
bad
The three-date theory is getting
old
everyone is getting left out in
the cold
I wish it didn't have to be so
bad
So I'll see you with another
guy
Who pretends not to hear you when
you cry
I wish it didn't have to be so
bad
I'll be moving on
You guys want to hear from Satan
again
Well hello kids are you enjoying
the show so far
Chances are you're all going to
get laid tonight I want to sleep
with every single person here
Starting with the retards sorry
kids I'm not very funny
anymore
I'm how aa shu ba de Hey I just
made...
Hey wait what if we did something
like this
Hey Satin
Yes Tom
Hey I was just wondering if I was
going to get laid tonight
Well no you're not Tom
Why not
Because your dick is small, dark,
and ugly
Alright
Am I funny or what
Hey uh I want to tell you how
it's going to work for the rest
of the show here
We're going to say that this is
our last song and we're going to
play and then we're going to walk
off stage
But we're not even done yet we're
going to come back and play two
more songs even after that
So uh that's how it works you
know how it works you go and you
see the band play they walk off
stage
They're all thanks a lot good
night
And you know those mother fuckers
are going to come back and play
two more songs anyway so
But you know what at least we're
straight about it
They call it an encore yea it's
an encore say it with us kids
encore
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Carousel
I talk to you every now and
then
I never felt so alone again
I stop to think at a wishing
well
My thoughts send me on a
carousel
Here I am standing on my own
Not a motion from the
telephone
I know not a reason why
Solitudes a reason to die
Just you wait and see
As school life is a
It is a woken dream
Aren't you feeling alone?
I guess its just another
I guess its just another
I had this with your mother
I guess its just another night
alone
Now as I walk down the street
I need a job just to sleep in
sheets
Buying food every once in a
while
But not enough to purchase a
smile
A tank of gas is a treasure to
me
I know now that nothing is
free
I talk to you every now and
then
I never felt so alone again
Just you wait and see
As school life is a
It is a woken dream
Aren't you feeling alone?
I guess its just another
I guess its just another
I guess its just another night
alone
Thanks a lot you guys
Hey kids thanks a lot for coming
all down to the show tonight
Hope you all had a great time I
know I did
Those blink fellows sure put on a
kick ass show huh
Hope to see you all at the after
show party
I'm going to start sucking dicks
and sqeezing tities
Maybe I can put my pee pee in
your mouth
I love it when the kids come on
over and I get to have them suck
and kiss my pee pee tenderly and
gently
I like it when the kids sit on my
lap and talk about unicorns and
flowers and things like that
Maybe I'll even fuck their
mom
See you kids later
Hey how you guys doing up in the
back
Now for the top balcony can I get
a ahmen
Now for the floor can I get a
haliloola
Now from all these other ass
holes can I get an oh yea
Hey how you doing
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All The
Small Things
All the, small things
True care, truth brings
I'll take, one lift
Your ride, best trip
Always, I know
You'll be at my show
Watching, waiting,
commiserating
Say it ain't so, I will not go,
turn the lights off, carry me
home
Na, na·
Late night, come home
Work sucks, I know
She left me roses by the stairs,
surprises let me know she
cares
Say it ain't so, I will not go,
turn the lights off, carry me
home
Na, na·
Say it ain't so, I will not go,
turn the lights off, carry me
home
Keep your head still, I'll be
your thrill, the night will go
on, my little windmill
Say it ain't so, I will not go,
turn the lights off, carry me
home
Keep your head still, I'll be
your thrill, the night will go
on, my little windmill
Hi we're back just like I said
we'd be back
You can leave now and beat the
traffic
Or beat your meat
Or you can stick around and beat
your meat I like that
I think I'm going to say that
every night from now on
You can leave and beat the
traffic or you can stick around
and beat your meat
I have a few words to say about
beating your meat
Just I just heard you guys
talking about masturbation and I
don't know
I know I'm not wanted here so I'm
going to take off see you guys
later
As my present to you people we're
going to stop talking now and
play a song
Surprise
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Mutt
He pauses shaving and he tells
himself that he is the bomb
She has her curlers set her
credit cards are paying the
funds
He's not that old, I've been told
a strong sexual goal
He goes out everyday she goes
every way oh yeah
And they don't even care at
all
She's open waiting for more
And I know he's only looking to
score
And it is way to unhealthy
Often they've typically
Been starved for attention
before
She smokes a dozen and he doesn't
seem to notice the smell
He took the seat off his own bike
because the way it felt
He wants to bone this I know she
is ready to blow
They go out every night his pants
are super tight oh yeah
And they don't even care at
all
She's open waiting for more
And I know he's only looking to
score
And it is way too unhealthy
Often they've typically
Been starved for attention
before
Take off you pants
We really love each other we're
the best of friends
Fuck Mark, Travis you guys mean a
lot to me man
You know what I mean
He needs some ointment hey I
think every single pharmaceutical
drug should be in ointment
form
And it can only go on your
balls
Like if you have a cold you have
to rub ointment on your balls
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The Country
Song
Uh oh uh oh oh shit I'm going
to start dancing
Take of your pants dad
Your penis if the biggest thing
my but's ever had
Cause' I know it feels so
good
Shut you fucking face uncle
fucker
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Dammit
Take your pants off
It's alright / to tell me / what
you think / about me
I won't try / to argue / or hold
it / against you
I know that / you're leaving /
you must have / your reasons
The season / is calling / and
your pictures / are falling
down
The steps that / I retrace / the
sad look / on your face
The timing / and structure / did
you hear / that he fucked
her?
A day late / a buck short / I'm
writing / the report
On losing / and failing / when I
move / I'm flailing now
It will happen once again
I'll turn to a friend
Someone that understands
Sees through the master plan
But everybody's gone
I've been here for too long
To face this on my own
Well I guess this is growing
up
Well I guess this is growing
up
And maybe / I'll see you / at a
movie / sneak preview
You'll show up / and walk by / on
the arm / of that guy
And I'll smile / and you'll wave
/ we'll pretend / that it's
okay
The charade / it won't last /
when he's gone / I won't come
back
It'll happen once again
You'll turn to a friend
Someone that understands
And sees through the master
plan
But everybody's gone
And you've been there for too
long
To face this on your own
Well I guess this is growing
up
Well, I guess this is growing
up
Well, I guess this is growing
up
Alright thanks a lot you guys
we'll see you next time mother
fuckers
Tom has no dick no dick at all
people
Thanks a lot and good night
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Man
Overboard
So sorry it's over, So sorry
it's over
There’s so much more that I
wanted and
(So sorry it's over)
There’s so much more that I
needed and
(So Sorry it’s over)
Time keeps moving on and on and
on
Soon we’ll all be gone
Let's take some time to talk this
over
You’re out of line and
rarely sober
We can't depend on your
excuses
Cause in the end it's fucking
useless
You can only lean on me for so
long
Bring the ship about to watch a
friend drown
Sit out on the ledge, begged you
to come down
You can only lean on me for so
long
I remember shots without a
chaser
Absent minded thoughts now
you’re a stranger
Cover up the scars put on your
gameface
Left you in the bar to try and
save face
You can only lean on me for so
long
Bring the ship about to watch a
friend drown
Sit out on the ledge, begged you
to come down
You can only lean on me for so
long
So sorry it's over, so sorry it's
over
There’s so much more that I
wanted and
(So sorry it's over)
There’s so much more that I
needed and
(So sorry it’s over)
Time keeps moving on and on and
on
soon we’ll all be gone
Man on a mission can’t say I
miss him around
Insider information, hand in your
resignation
Loss of a good friend best of
intentions I found
Tight lipped procrastination
Yeah later, see you around.
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Untitled
Dialogue
Tom: I'm going to come back and
I'm going to start a therapeutic
massage center only for
for...
Mark: I'm going to start my own
nudist colony
Tom: That would be grose, you
tried that in our bus one
time
Mark: I tried to start our own
nudist colony in our bus and it
was pretty much just me hanging
out naked, they love you Tom
Tom: They love me so fuck
everybody else
Mark: Yea fuck all you guys out
there that are cheering, yea we
hate you Tom you suck dick burn
in hell
Tom: Yea fuck that, hey I say I
say fuck the hating Tom thing
that's what I say, are we ready
Mark
Mark: You know what it is you
know what it is a lot of these
people are just now hopping on
the we hate Tom bandwagon, like
I've been hating tom since like
1995 I'm old school hating Tom
guy alright
Tom: Oh shit, hey let's all say
some dirty words, everybody say
fuck, everybody say shit,
everyone say dick, everyone say
Mark's an ass hole
Mark: Everyone say, everyone say
we hate Mark, yea
Tom: Hey now let's do this one,
everyone say fuck fuck shit fuck,
that's the kind of words you
should be using at home kids
Mark: That's right
Tom: What do we do now
Mark: I want everyone to call me
an ass hole again
Tom: What's up I like your hair
it's very nice
Mark: You like his hair oh cool
thanks he probably appreciates
that a lot
Tom: I wanted to say I liked your
but but I thought that was to
foward you know
Mark: Hey this next song is for
all the ladies in the hezouse,
hea he it's for all the ladies in
the heoueoueouze
Tom: Mark!
Mark: What
Tom: Shut the fuck up
Mark: It's for all the ladies in
the houaeiouze, weee. Hey you
know what hang on I want to make
this like a
Tom: (belch) exuse me
Mark: Exuse Tom
Tom: Sorry
Mark: I want to make this like a
big golf tournimant everyone shut
up everybody just clap like it's
a golf tourniment
Tom: That's what it sounds like
when I get done having sex,
15,000 people cheering me on, I
could take all of you in my bed
right fucking now, but you're not
invited Mark. You have got giant
boobs and I doubt you're 18, do
you have a note from your mom, I
want to meet your mom...
Mark: Hey put those 13 year old
boobs away, if I wanted to see 13
year old boobs I'd hang out by
the Junior high like my dad like
my dad does
Tom: Hey you know what I learned
in fifth grade
Mark: What's that your dad has a
bent weiner
Tom: My dad's weiner was bigger
than mine then and still is
Mark: I want everyone here to
scream, fuck Utah we fucking hate
you you're going to burn in hell
and die a horrible firery death
cause' we hate you stupid pieces
of shit
Tom: I heard that
Mark: Thanks
Tom: You want to give me your
shirt, this smells like blood and
feces, dinner time ok what does
this say here
Mark: It smells like blood and
feces, so it's your dad's
shirt
Tom: Hey uh just like every other
band we believe in a safe form of
sex don't we Mark, that we do so
Mark's going to tell you about
how safe we are
Mark: Let me tell you about the
safest form of sex, it's when you
get super drunk and you have sex
with like ten people totally
unprotected and you do
intravenous drugs at the same
time, no it's not true
Tom: It's not true you have to
carry a weapon. How many of you
guys have girlfreinds and how
many of your girlfriends have guy
friends, I hope you're not having
sex
Mark: And more importanly how
many of your girlfriends have
girlfriends
Tom: Cause' we believe in the
love that exists between two
vaginas
Mark: The most special kind of
love of all is the love that
exists between two naked women
while I watch
Tom: We need her to put her shirt
back on
Mark: Please
Tom: It just took away my boner,
my boner just died, I had one and
now it's gone
Mark: Please I saw your boobs and
my wiener ran away. Hey hey hang
on everyone everyone seriously I
need your attention for just a
second please, I think somebody
lost a contact down here so
everyone look around a contact
lense hey someone lost a contact
lense so uh...
Tom: I lost my virinity
Mark: Keep an I out for it
Tom: I lost a testacle, hey what
if testacles were things you
could lose on a everyday basis
that would suck, you've only got
three, hey I've got to go pee
pee
Mark: Do you want to go pee and
I'll talk to the kids for a
second
Tom: Do you think you can talk
for enough time
Mark: No uh uh
Tom: Why don't you gather your
thoughts
Mark: Why don't you just wet your
pants and we'll call it even
Tom: Should I just piss in my
pants right here, if you guys all
pitch in a dollar each I'll piss
my pants right here now, that
should pay me about two-hundred
bucks maybe
Mark: I'll give you three-hundred
dollars to piss your pants right
now
Tom: I'll give you four-hundred
bucks to eat my shit
Mark: Sold
Tom: Sold, apparently there's a
kid that's hurt right now and I
think they're helping them out
right now, it looks like they're
right there
Mark: Make a hole people make a
hole
Tom: All you people over there
make way for the hurt kid and
bring me their wallet
Mark: I wish now you know let me
tell you guys something...
Tom: I'm gay!
Mark: There's thousands and
thousands of people here today
there's like semis and fucking
buses and multiple bands and all
kinds of shit, I wish now I would
have taken bass lessons, sorry
sorry
Tom: So do I, I wish you did
too
Mark: I'm thinking for Christmas
this year I'm going to ask for
lessons
Tom: I know a guy, he has sex
with his sister, he used his dick
to pop her four foot blister, and
I know it's not that cool, he
fucked her in my swimming pool,
he's got three testacles, and he
loves to do shit, fuck yea. Hey
how come every time we say a joke
it has to be about fucking sex
masturbation insest, or anything
grose like that you know
Mark: Is there anything else in
the world
Tom: There's nothing else to talk
about
Mark: Hey can you help that
little girl out of there she's
not having so much fun right now,
hey
Tom: Uh exuse me, security guard
sir
Mark: The one right in front of
you, yea
Tom: Yea that girl right there
needs to come out, if you're a
small person the front is not the
best view, and if you hate seeing
shitty bands any of this is not a
good view, this whole everything
every seat here. Mark's middle
name is Rebecca, they thought he
was a...
Mark: That's right, my middle
names Rebecca because my dad
wanted a girl, he treats me like
one
Tom: I still have to go pee and
I'm holding it in still, I'll
piss my pants though for money,
I'll eat a nugget of my own poop
for twenty bucks, I'll pay you
twenty bucks and I'll eat it
Mark: You shave your ass
Tom: You have hair on nothing but
your balls, Mark has no hair on
his whole body but a fucking
wolverine growning in his pants,
I swear to God, it's got teeth
and shit
Mark: It's true
Tom: He's got a scary looking
penis
Mark: It's true I need your tax
deductable donations for the
shave Mark's balls program,
please
Tom: It's for charity kids
Mark: Please send what you can,
donate your time
Tom: You guys think that we're
touring for our own, no this is a
charity tour for Mark's balls
Mark: We're trying to raise
enough money to shave my nuts,
please give generously
Tom: There's no metal strong
enough to be the teeth on any
kind of electric shaver, what do
we do now, oh I need a new
guitar
Mark: We need a new guitar, we
need a new guitarist, any one out
there play guitar
Tom: Does anybody know how to
play guitar cause' I'm not very
good, people don't really respect
me
Mark: If I were a girl, every
time I went to the gynecologist,
I'd fake an orgasm
Tom: Bad kids
Mark: Bad christmas spirit
Tom: Bad christmas spirit
Mark: Hey ok I need light now
Tom: We're going to point out
every single person that didn't
sing
Mark: Santa Claus is going to
come to your house and shit under
all your trees
Tom: Santa Claus is going to come
rape your dogs, Oh God you know
what I'm kind of ashamed of being
myself today, and yesterday and
the day before that, not really
pround of who I am or how I look.
Any one have one of those days
were you don't even really like
what you're wearing, you know,
you don't like how your hair
looks, and kind of bumed about
how your penis is so small and
bent and wierd. That is the
ugliest but I have ever seen.
Let's hear it for not wiping! And
this guy fuck wiping dude, brings
down the rain forest. Ok this is
a song I wrote...
Mark: That guy has a science fair
project up his ass
Tom: Uh what head's up seven up,
everyone close your eyes and if I
come by and if I come by and put
my finger in you but than you're
the one.
I think that Satan has a couple
of comments:
Well kids it's been a really fun
show, and I want you all to know
that we'll come back soon, but
before I go I want to say I think
Tom is extemely good looking and
all the girls out there should
think he's good looking. Tom has
one of the best buts that I've
ever seen, shimi shimi coco puff
shimi shimi right shimi shimi
coco puff. Does anybody here want
to sleep with me. I'm really a
nice guy, it's really not
Satan...
It's me it's not Satan let's all
be happy he's not here say fuck
Satan
Alright I'm out of jokes and out
of songs, I think we're done.
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